Seeing Past Your Regrets

“The past doesn’t define you, it only describes you.”

When I heard that statement spoken to a group of men, I thought it also applied to those of us on the midlife journey. That’s because one of the mountains of midlife is the Mountain of Regrets and Disappointments.

The midlife season is a time of reflection. When we look back over our life, often the dreams of our twenties and thirties didn’t materialize. Maybe a few did, but far more regrets and “what ifs” crowd in upon us.

What do we do when we are bombarded by all of this? Do we say that our best years are behind us and that we missed it? Or do we grip tightly to Jesus and let Him make our future years our best years?

Here are four things that can help us in seeing past our regrets:

1. The past doesn’t define you. Like the quote above, you should set your sights on the future and where God wants to take you. Don’t allow the Evil One to trap you in the past. Remember this promise from the Lord: “For I confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil. 1:6).
2. It’s not about perfection and performance. When you chose to follow Jesus all your past sins were forgiven by Him. However, when you see the flaws and brokenness of your life it can be hard to forgive yourself. But you must! When you do, you’ll join a special group of people called “The Company of the Broken.” These are the ones whom the Lord chooses to use.
3. It’s about having a new vision for your future. By the midlife years you have a lot of life experience with the scars to prove it! Your past has shaped you into the person you have become today. The season of preparation is over and you are ready to be used by God in some significant ways. Ask God to give you a new vision for your future. Just think, if you “retire” at 65 years old you could live 30 or more years! That’s a great time to invest in serving the Lord. “Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it?” (Isa. 43:18-19).
4. It’s your season of greatest influence. The midlife and beyond years are the season of your greatest influence. Do you believe that? This is the time to be listening for God’s voice and direction. His heart is for people to come to know Him. Your life intersects with so many others like your children, grandchildren, coworkers, neighbors, friends, and the people you encounter day to day. Let the living water of Jesus splash out on them. You’ll be surprised how many divine appointments happen when your eyes are open for them. “…I chose you and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain…” (John 15:16).

If you are wrestling with past regrets and disappointments, try not to journey alone. Seek to connect with a friend and share what’s on your heart. Or perhaps it would be helpful to meet with a counselor.

Your years of greatest influence are before you. That may take some faith to believe, but why not step out and watch God show up for you! Others are waiting to be blessed by your wisdom and influence!